Thursday, February 23, 2012

Mother Talkers :: Rants and raves on modern motherhood

Write Those Wills People...

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Wed Feb 22, 2012 at 09:05:03 AM PST

The Washington Post published two stories that reminded me of the importance of having a will. The first one was a "Dear Prudence" column, in which a woman told her sister-in-law that she was not willing to take in her three children in the event that something happened to her and her husband.

Read on:

AN AUNT'S OBLIGATION
Dear Prudie: Recently my sister in law called to ask if she could put me and my husband down as legal guardians of her children in her will should anything happen to her and her husband. I told her no without even having to think about it. My only daughter is 20 and moved out awhile ago. I love her and I love being a parent but there is no way in hell I want to have more kids. My sister in law became offended and my husband thinks I was harsh. My husband is the only sibling she has and my in laws are elderly. I'm not sure who would be available and willing to take on the responsibility on my brother in law's side, but I am certainly not willing to do it. My husband also doesn't want any more children but if our nephews were orphaned he thinks we should raise them. I will not cope with more kids and I emphatically refuse to sacrifice my life to raise three more children I barely know. I don't even want to take care of pot plants, much less three young boys whom I've met five times. Am I heartless for refusing to even consider? I freely admit I will be a terrible, uncaring, resentful guardian.

EMILY YOFFE:
Your sister-in-law shouldn't be offended, she should be relieved. Your crude, hard, instant dismissal of this serious and profound request is all she needs to know about the need to keep looking for a potential guardian. I hope your sister-in-law realizes that faced with untenable family members, many people turn to friends to fill this role. I'm sure she's got some decent ones who would be willing to provide her brood with a loving home. She should be reassured that while she is right to put a guardianship in place, the chances of it ever going into effect are infinitesimal. And you should be reassured that you have so needlessly damaged relations with your sister-in-law that they will never ask you for anything to do with their kids again.

Yikes. Then there was this column by a doctor who comes across family members who want him to perform miracles when it is clear that their loved one is simply dying of old age.

If I?m lucky, the family will accept the news that, in a time when we can separate conjoined twins and reattach severed limbs, people still wear out and die of old age. If I?m lucky, the family will recognize that their loved one?s life is nearing its end.

But I?m not always lucky. The family may ask me to use my physician superpowers to push the patient?s tired body further down the road, with little thought as to whether the additional suffering to get there will be worth it. For many Americans, modern medical advances have made death seem more like an option than an obligation. We want our loved ones to live as long as possible, but our culture has come to view death as a medical failure rather than life?s natural conclusion.

Ay. These stories just make me shudder.

Tags: end-of-life decisions , old age , guardianship , will , testaments (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions

Source: http://www.mothertalkers.com/storyonly/2012/2/22/9744/-Write-Those-Wills-People...

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